dream the dreams
but never ever chase them.
date the frogs
but never ever kiss them.
set the goals
but never ever hit them.
Thank you for your DM. I understand that life can be an expanse of land at the banks of a waterbody.
When I was at campu, I did Bsc. CSC (Bachelor of Science in Computer Science). I was bored in my very first semester and even caught my first retake at its end. During that time, I started to let my mind and hands wander into tinkering of all sorts.
As life went by, I fidgeted, tinkered, and wondered some more. I did Graphics design, Branding of all kinds [Posters, Flyers, Logos, the whole shabang], Website & systems development, Mobile app development [Windows & Android], Illustration, Photography & Video, Audio/Video/Photo editing/retouch/manipulation, and meme creation hahaa! I was a Computer bender of all manners [hardware & software], Phone bender of all manners (had Jailbroken and Unlocked my first iPhone in 1st year), and was the go-to guy for general and specific Consultancy in all these fields.
I eventually got bored with all these things, and continued to search for something that could catch me properly.
Then I landed on animation.
That was when I stood frozen.
I imagined, dreamt, planned, plotted, and sought advice on concepts. The horizons widened and I saw empty fields of possibility ahead of me, awaiting the till, plant, tend, and harvest. And when I beheld all this opportunity, I only saw my inadequacy. I only saw my inability. I only saw the millions of weeds and the tattered scarecrows and the slithering snakes that had made “my” field their abode.
All this flakiness coming from a person that has been self-taught ever since he started the grind?
All this fear coming from a person who has can’t spell the word “impossible” when he’s decided to go after something?
Well, all the other things I was doing were the road to this thing my heart wanted.
Now, after finding that thing my heart wanted, they were my happy distractions from it. My way of stalling. Stalling because, what if I try this thing my heart [currently] longs for and I suck balls at it? What if I try and fail? What if I try and get bored after a year or two? And I’m back to square one? What if I’ve been masturbating with a dildo the size of a baby’s leg my whole single life and my husband-to-be has a regular-sized dick?
I feel like I’ve done everything under the sun (I even sold MTN lines at some point in time) and I’m sooo fucking tired at this point, like,
how much more searching must I do,
until I find something I want to do,
that won’t bore me after a year or two?
I’m soooooo fucccckkkiinnngggg tttiiiirreedddd of trying, and yet, there’s this one more thing I must try before I can properly give up on life and Christ.
I guess what I am trying to say is
For the rebellious rebel like myself, and the safe rebel like yourself, it will often seem like we’re slowly sinking in quicksand – Me, limbs flailing and reaching for everything and nothing, and you, having a mental implosion on the other paths you could have tried.
I don’t know if our stories have happy endings, but I heard somewhere that
a problem shared is half-solved.
B out ✌